Driving home tonight I kind of found myself fighting a funk. I could not explain it. Service was good. Crowd was decent (cause that is how we really judge success), feel like the students were engaged, and by all of our standards God moved. What was wrong with me? Then it hit me. My insecurities were getting the best of me, they were winning. I was scared....
Scared that I would live down to everyone that ever told me I would never amount to anything.
Scared that I would over promise and under produce.
Scared that I would fail.
Scared that when we got to the end of this journey no one came with me.
Scared that I will miss the important stuff.
Scared that all my dreams are just day-dreams and not God dreams.
Scared of walking to the next level alone.
Sometimes my insecurities win. So I will go to bed and tomorrow is a new day. Full of new opportunities and plenty of chances to make an impact. Tonight I will go to bed scared but tomorrow I will wake up determined.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
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it does us all good to look at ourselves from time to time and realize how inadequate and clueless "we" are in ourselves. that fear keeps us from pride. you, my friend, need not worry. I can say as Paul did in 2Cor 7 "I have great confidence in you; I take great pride in you."